Somethings are just not meant to be

Meow. (Sorry, I meow sometimes.)

I like it. Although in my oppinion, rhyming is over-rated. I like the basic concept though. ^^;

I really, REALLY liked this. You write so well!

And there really isn't anything else for me to say since there is nothing I noticed to fix. Which is good!

Keep up the good work!

Hello, October!

My overall comment on the poem: It's been done before, and you haven't done anything to make this one stand out. I had a hard time focusing on the rest of it, because I knew what the ending was going to be.

I think because you make the mistake of listing it? You listed how the character (henceforth, Nick) has hurt you and broken away and all that shiz. The impact of the poem is taken away by this.

My suggestion is to write a scene, or to put the format as to a letter, saying how much you hurt because of Nick, et cetera. It's the basic principle of writing -- show, and don't tell. Because at the moment, we have no sympathy for you, as the co-lead. Better yet, you could write a poem that starts out in a stanza where you're doing something fun, and the next stanza, he brings the angry news down on your head...

Ahem, yes. Angst. Key. Do remember that.

Alainna's caught all of the grammatical holes, so nothing to pick at, there.

The last stanza, as previously stated by no other than our awesome 'Lainna, is a little weak, and very navel-gazing. It's basically 'me, me, me!' through the entire thing, and I mean that literally.

So my suggestion is to ditch this and start again with a fresher subject, or a fresher viewpoint, in mind.

Cheers!
Sumi

This was pretty good, I liked it okay. It had good emotion, good rhyme scheme and rhythm.
All I have are just picky things.

First you say 'some things', and then when you say it later it's always 'somethings'. Is it supposed to be like that? Because I don't get it. I'd make them all the same.

"but you broke apart of me" Shouldn't it be 'a part of me'?


"If I was yours, I'll always be
and I won't ever leave
somethings are just not meant to be.
somethings are you but you broke apart of me
and you took it all... from me"

This verse needs more punctuation and capitals. I'd put a period after 'leave' and make the next 'something' capitalized. Also, the 'something' in the third line needs to be capitalized. I'd also put a comma after 'apart of me' and then a period after the last line. I would also get rid of the ellipses in the last line. It's completely unnecessary and detracts from the flow.
Apart from that verse the punctuation and capitalization was fine.


*adna*

This was a good poem.
I loved the emotion that came out of it.

liked your poem or song? thought it was a little love-y corny though.
besides that it was good
great job

hi max i really like this poem it really stood out to me keep up the good work!

Hi Max, I really liked this. I can see it being a song - would you perhaps consider re-vising it so it becomes a song?

sometime you have to live in the moment.

You can't even say you never lied.